How to write about Muslims
I recently saw a page on how to write about Africans... thought I'd do the writerly community a favor and explain how to write about Muslims...
1) Make sure they are violent, irrational, vicious, mean-spirited, and oh, did I say violent? Can't forget that one.
2) Know that Muslims are fanatics. Even those who claim to be moderate, are fanatic compared to your average Christian or Jew. As fanatics, they are all motivated by the 72 virgins they are supposed to get in Heaven. God knows what the women are motivated by, because they are going be
those virgins. Of course, it doesn't really matter what the women are motivated by, after all female Muslims don't really count cause they are just puppets of Muslim men
3) Muslim women all wear headscarves; most of them cover their faces. Past a certain age, they're all fat and wear black, floor length dresses shaped like tents. None of them can read, and they prefer to be barefoot, pregnant, and slaving over a hot stove or serving tea. They don't lift their eyes from the floor and are terrified of men in general, their husbands and uncles in particular. God forbid they actually have an opinion.
4) Before Muslims commit acts of violence, they pray. Not for forgiveness. It's more like a triumpant offerring up of their blood sacrifice to God.
5) Even though they pretend to be pious, Muslims are big sinners. They drink, they curse, they sleep with women (just don't let any Muslim women get caught sleeping with men or they'll end up dead by dawn). Morals? What's that?
6) They all speak with heavy accents. Grammar is as beyond them as morals...
7) The only things Muslims care about are Paradise and Palestine.
8) They are dirty and smelly. I know, it's kind of amazing, given that they have to wash all the time before those five daily prayers, but even so, they're are filthy.
9) They keep camels in the backyard, or maybe the front.
10) The men wear dresses and scarves too -- that ought to tell you what kind of men they really are! That's why they beat their wives so much, cause otherwise everyone will find out they aren't real men.
11) Art? Poetry? Fiction? Music? C'mon we're talking Muslims here.
Here's some links to REAL Muslims.Salma Arustu
, artistAsma Jehangir
, lawyer, political activistShirin Ebadi
, Nobel Peace Prize WinnerAzhar Usman
, stand up comicDaniel Abdal Hayy Moore
, poetAbdal Sattar Edhi
, relief workerMohamed Odeh
, amateur astronomer (check out the link to the Jordanian Astronomical Society!)